The story is from Jacob, a seventy year old Clinical Psychologist in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Jacob had been asked to give a talk on meditation to a group of more than a hundred meditation students during the earlier stages of his disease:

He arrived at the event feeling alert and eager to share the teachings he loved. Taking his seat in front of the hall, Jacob looked out at the expectant faces before him… and suddenly he didn’t know what he was supposed to say or do. He didn’t know where he was or why he was there. All he knew was that his heart was pounding furiously and his mind was spinning in confusion. Putting his palms together at his heart, Jacob started naming out loud what was happening: “Afraid, embarrassed, confused, feeling like I’m failing, powerless, shaking, sense of dying, sinking, lost.” For several more minutes he sat, head slightly bowed, continuing to name his experience. As his body began to relax and his mind grew calmer, he also noted that aloud. At last, Jacob lifted his head, looked slowly around at those gathered, and apologized.

Rather than pushing away the experience and deepening his agitation, Jacob simply named what he was aware of and bowed to his experience. He didn’t create an adversary out of fear and confusion. He didn’t make anything wrong.

We practice Radical Acceptance by pausing and then meeting whatever is happening inside us with this kind of unconditional friendliness. Instead of turning our jealous thoughts or angry feelings into the enemy, we pay attention in a way that enables us to recognize and touch any experience with care. Nothing is wrong – whatever is happening is just “real life.” Such unconditional friendliness is the spirit of Radical Acceptance.

Our habit of being a fair-weather friend to ourselves – of pushing away or ignoring whatever darkness we can – is deeply entrenched. But just as a relationship with a good friend is marked by understanding and compassion, we can learn to bring these same qualities to our inner life.